Small Sacrifices
by ttfan111robstar1
Summary: Lucius is afraid to love his son, but when he gets a shock to the system, he understands the importance of family. As Draco gets older, his Father grows distant, but after the Second Wizarding War, Lucius is reminded of how much he could have lost. Oneshot.


The winter air howled as it blew and stung the bare faces of those unfortunate enough to be out at ten o'clock in the evening. The wind whipped around people and their clothes, but was seemingly stopped by buildings. Especially bigger buildings like Malfoy Manor. Saying cozy and warm by the fireplace were Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. It was the winter of 1980, and their infant son Draco had just turned 6 months old. The child sat in his mother's lap, staring mostly at the Christmas tree by the fireplace that was decorated with lights, garland, and tinsel. Although Narcissa was reading him a story, she could tell Draco's attention was focused elsewhere, so she shut the book and sat it on a table next to her chair. She picked up a China teacup that was steaming with piping hot earl grey tea and took a sip, stealing a glance at her husband, who was reading in the armchair beside her while drinking a glass of firewhiskey. He was very much aware of his wife's eyes roving over him, but simply couldn't be bothered. In his mother's lap, Draco (who had just begun to sit up on his own) smiled at the sparkling tree and began to bounce with excitement. Narcissa smiled at his innocence.

"Do you like the Christmas tree, Draco?" She asked, gently petting his head. The baby looked at her and smiled, babbling gibberish in response. Lucius happened to pick up his glass for a drink and in doing so caught the light of the tree in a way that made the glass sparkle- instantly catching Draco's attention. He reached out a chubby arm toward his father, who didn't spare him a single glance. His happy babbling ceased, and for a beat he was quiet, as if trying to figure out why Lucius wasn't responding to him. Everyone else did- even his Aunt Bellatrix and Uncle Severus. And yet Lucius remained distant from his only son, trying to spend as little time with him as possible, simply because he was afraid to love his child. Anything he loved could be used against him, and he couldn't risk caring about his heir for fear of endangering such an innocent life. Draco stubbornly reached his other arm out to his father, determined to be noticed. Narcissa felt her heart disintegrate at the sight.

"Lucius, he wants you to hold him." She said, careful to use a pleasant tone. Lucius put down his book and sighed.

"Cissy, I told you already that that's what the house elves are for."

Narcissa gave him a deadly glare. "He's your son, Lucius. If you don't bond with him now how will you deal with the mood swings when he's a teenager?"

"With swift and appropriate punishment."

Narcissa sighed sadly. Her poor baby would likely spend the rest of his life trying to please his father and earn his approval. She could feel her son's frustration. She could see her son's inner Slytherin beginning to shine through, his determination to get his father to love him was so clear and concise. He looked like he was about to cry, but instead, he cried out:

"Da da!"

If Draco had no grip on his father's attention before, he was strangling him with it now. Lucius stared, jaw on the floor and eyes bulging out of his head. He was now captivated with the small child in front of him. Without thinking, he plucked Draco from Narcissa's lap and cradled him in his arms. Draco squealed with delight and kicked his little legs happily. For the first time, Lucius felt a swelling in his chest that made him wonder if he was having a heart attack. The swelling grew and grew like a balloon until it popped and all the love and joy of fatherhood filled his heart for the first time. In that moment it all became clear. His wife and son were the two most important people in his life, and they would be there through whatever the future held in store for them. He could see how foolish he was for rejecting his son all those months. Now that he knew the joy of parenthood, he vowed to himself that he would make up for every second he lost. Gently, he leaned down and kissed his son's forehead. Narcissa was moved to tears by the action.

Lucius looked up as she tried to hide her tears, but failed, and used his free hand to wipe her tears away. She leaned over and kissed him before picking up Draco, maneuvering herself into Lucius' lap, and then giving their son back to him.

"My boy... How did I not see you before... I'm so sorry." He clutched his son just a bit tighter. Seemingly in response, Draco reached a hand up and patted his father's cheek. Lucius held out one finger and Draco wrapped his hand around it. Lucius smiled brightly and looked at his wife, who was grinning at the baby in her husband's arms. She kissed him deeply, turned on by his paternal side finally shining through. Draco just giggled and smiled. He had been known to cry for hours over seemingly nothing, but Narcissa had always harbored the secret belief that his continual fussing was a result of not getting attention from his father. By taking a moment to bond with his son, he had calmed his usually high-maintenance child and made him a more cheerful, easygoing baby.

From that moment on, Lucius made a conscious effort to be a better father to his son. When Draco cried out in the late hours of the night or wee hours of the morning, he would put a hand on his wife's shoulder to stop her from getting up and spent some real time with him. Draco quickly became the shining star in his parents lives, and it wasn't until Draco was older that he began to back off from being affectionate toward his son and started teaching him the Malfoy way and what being a Malfoy meant.

In the privacy of their home, Lucius still did many small things to show love to his son. In public, however, he became cold and aloof. Although Draco did not like when his father was that way toward him, he understood why it was important. His father worked in the Ministry of Magic. He was a Slytherin, and being a Slytherin meant having to wear that mask of indifference. He learned to conceal his feelings and only let them out in private. Even though he was only a child, he knew he was held to a higher standard.

Only after the Battle Of Hogwarts did Lucius begin chipping away at his cold mask again.

The first day after Draco graduated school, Lucius took the day off from work and spent the day with his family. There were many points where all was quiet and the only sound that could be heard were house elves scrambling to make meals.

There was a moment that took place at midday that Draco would remember for the rest of his life. They were all in the backyard, Draco nestled between both his parents, sharing a moment of peace when his father suddenly wrapped his arms around his wife and son in a fierce hug. He was surprised, but it was not an unwelcome occurrence. Draco shook as he started to sob, the emotions he'd been repressing began to surface. His father stroked his hair in a way that reminded him of when he was little.

"I'm so sorry." It was a whisper so faint that Draco had to take time to decide if it was a sentence or just the wind. He returned the hug.

"I forgive you."

Those three words encompassed their entire relationship from beginning to end. And for one moment- if only one, Lucius was holding his six month old son once more.


End file.
